Whenever we’ve had an extended time away from school – summer break, Christmas break, the week home during Thanksgiving – people always ask me if I’m ready for school to start again. I love the look on their faces when I say, “No, I’m not really looking forward to my kids being back in school.”
Why?, you may ask. I heard a statistic once that said women speak 50,000 more words a day than men do. I’d like to see one that counts how many words a four year old says a day. I would pay good money to see one that counts how many words a four year old says on a day that she misses playing with her older sisters and the only one left is boring old mom.
Mom. Momma. Mommy. Mom. Will you play with me? Pretend that you’re the mom and I’m the baby. Pretend I’m crying. Now pretend you’re putting me to sleep. No, don’t say that, say this. Pat my back. Mom, you have to sing a lullaby. Pretend I’m waking up. When I cry and wave my hands I want a bottle. Mom, I’m waving my hands. Momma. Momma. Mom. Pretend I’m a police man. No, pretend you’re a police man. Pretend you’re a police man and you stopped my car. No, you can’t give me a ticket, pretend you send me to catch the bad guys who are speeding. Mom. Mom, there are more people speeding. Mom, pretend I’m at a red light. Momma. Mommy. Mom. Can I have a snack? What about goldfish? What about milk? Pretend I went to the store to get some milk. Say, “daughter, go get some milk.” No, not in that voice, say it in a mom voice. A mom voice. Do you even know how to do a mom voice?
Yes, I miss my older kids. Yes, I like spending time with my younger kids when it’s just us. But for the sake of my bleeding ears and leaking brains, will someone please make it a more gradual to kids being back in school? Like, let’s go back a half day on Monday and Tuesday, and maybe a ¾ day on Wednesday, before jumping right in to whole school days. Let’s acclimate ourselves to this whole returning to routine thing. Anyone with me?