Funny Things Kids Say

Sometimes they make you laugh, sometimes they make you think, and sometimes they make you go….umm…what? Whatever they are saying, it ALWAYS keeps you on your toes.

That time I tried not to laugh when disciplining, but failed.

Layla: Mom, Sydney called me booty pants.
Me: Ok. Did that hurt your feelings?
Layla: Yes.
Me: Sydney, you hurt Layla’s feelings.
Sydney: I’m ok with that.

—–

Me: Gwen, stop drawing all over the bible. Gwendolyn: But God told me to.
Me: No, he didn’t
Gwendolyn: Yes, he did. (In a deep voice) Gwendolyn, draw in the bible. (Switches to normal voice) See, he told me to.
Me: *face palm*

—–

Me: Scoot over here so I can rinse the shampoo from your hair.
Sydney: Just so you know, I have lost control of my body. So if I start doing the hokey pokey, it’s not my fault.

—–

Layla: I’m not saying I don’t like the rice, dad, I’m just saying there’s not much flavor.
Sydney: Yeah. I’m not saying I don’t like the rice, dad, I’m just saying it’s kind of…uh…yuck. And it looks like poop.

—–

Sydney: You know when you come in after a long day and see a big mess?
Me. Yes.
Sydney: That wasn’t us.
Me: Who was it then?
Sydney: I don’t know, maybe a bad guy. Or a ghost. Definitely a stranger.

That time I realized I never really have control of the conversation.

Layla: People in England speak the same language we do, but it’s in a different font.

—–

Sydney: What’s J plus G?
Aaron: 4.
Sydney: Don’t be silly, Dad, it’s a yes or no question.

—–

Layla: Are you getting new stuff for the house?
Me: That will cost more money.
Layla: Go to the dollar store and get some dollars.

—–

Layla: Uhoh.
Aaron: What happened?
Layla: Uhh, nothing you need to worry about.
Me: Oh yeah. I’m definitely not worried now.

—–

Layla: A friend in my class, Annabelle, has a twin. They have the same shoes and wear the same outfits.
Me: Do they look the same?
Layla: No, Sophia has the wrong face.

—–

Layla: You smell like red neck and old fart.

That time I realized I wasn’t the smartest one in the room.

Me: How was your day at school?
Sydney: My friend got a little mad at me on the bus.
Me: Why?
Sydney: He just doesn’t understand you can’t always get what you want.

—–

Gwendolyn just asked me what unicorns ate. I told her sugar cookies. I didn’t know 3 year olds could do the “you’re an idiot” look with so much passion.

—–

Syd: Someone made fun of my shirt today. They said it was stupid and I am stupid.
Me: Did you punch them in the face?
Syd: No. I stayed calm, and said, “I don’t care, I like this shirt.”
Me. Oh….yeah, that was probably a better response.

—–

At the bus stop this morning:
Sydney: That girl still doesn’t like me. She glares and says she hates me.
Layla: She does that to me, too.
Aaron: When people do that to me, do you know what I do? I smile and wink at them. It’s like I’m saying, “Come at me, bro.”

After school:
Aaron: Did you see that girl? Was she mean?
Layla: Yes.
Aaron: Did you say, “Come at me, bro”?
Layla: No, I said, “Jesus loves you.”