When our first child was born someone told us to write down all the cute and funny things she said so that we wouldn’t forget them. I have never been so glad that I took someone else’s advice. I published some of the crazy things that have come out of my children’s mouths a couple of weeks ago. After 10 years of parenting, we have a LOT more…here are a few of my favorites.
When sisters attack
Layla: Mom, Sydney hit me.
Me: Sydney, no hitting!
Sydney: I didn’t hit her, I punched her!
Me: Well, would you like it if she punched you?…(silence)…Sydney?
Sydney: I’m thinking about it, hold on a second.
Gwendolyn: Raise your hand if you think I’m beautiful!
Sydney: I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Sydney: I’m a little scared that there’s a black bear in my closet.
Me: Ok, I’ll shut the door. Bears can’t open doors.
Layla: Well, bears are pretty strong.
Me: Layla, hush. Don’t worry Syd, there’s no bear, and if there was one that fit in your closet it would be too small to break the door.
Sydney: Ok mom….
Layla: You know, bears are good diggers.
When you realize your kids are holding a grudge
Sydney: Once there was a handsome prince named Daddy. And there was a mean witch named Mommy.
Me: Hey! I don’t like this story so far.
Sydney: (Sigh) It’s just pretend, Mom. So Daddy and Mommy had a baby mean witch named Layla….
Sydney: I love you, mom.
Me: I love you, too.
Sydney: You’re the best.
Me: Aww, thanks, baby.
Sydney: And you’re the nicest mom ever…well, you’re a little mean. But I still love you.
When they pass the buck
Me: What’s all this sticky black stuff on the floor?
Sydney: I think a bad guy snuck in and sprinkled it on the floor, then snuck out again before the dogs could smell him.
Me: Huh. Makes sense.
Me: Whoa…what happened to your room, Gwen?
Gwendolyn: It’s a mess.
Me: I see that. Why is it like this?
Gwendolyn: Daddy did it.
Sydney: I don’t like you.
Layla: Mom, Sydney said she doesn’t like me!
Sydney: No I didn’t, I said it to a bad guy! He’s invisible.
Me: See Layla, it’s just the invisible bad guy again. No worries
When they think you’re getting old
Me: You know, when I was a kid, we couldn’t fast forward through commercials. We had to watch them.
Layla: Really? You rode in carriages too, right?
Layla: I’m going to wear this outfit.
Me: No, that doesn’t match.
Layla: I think I know fashion better than you, mom.
When they win the conversation
Me: In a few minutes I have a friend coming over to have a conversation, and I need you to stay upstairs and play for a little while and not interrupt. Ok?
Sydney: What if a giant shark jumps really high out of the ocean and crashes in our window and you don’t notice. Then can I interrupt you?
Me: Here’s your milk.
Gwendolyn: I don’t want that cup, I want the one with the pink lid.
Me: What’s wrong with the orange lid?
Gwendolyn: It gives me bad dreams.
Gwendolyn: What about my milky!
Me: We’ve talked about this. That’s not how you ask nicely for your milk. Take a moment and try again.
Gwendolyn: …PLEASE can I have my milky…(whispers) because you forgot it.
Me: Why are you so upset?
Sydney: Gwendolyn was in the bathroom with me, and left the door open so everyone saw me!
Me: No one was in there, so no one saw you.
Sydney: An imaginary friend did!
Me: Your imaginary friend saw you in the bathroom?
Sydney: No, someone else’s imaginary friend saw.
Sydney: Mom, are you scared?
Me: A little bit.
Sydney: Well don’t worry. God is with you, and my shoes light up.
Sandra Samoska is a writer with a love for Jesus and a love for family. When she's not chasing around her four kids and doing all the things, you can find her writing about the ways God shows up in our every day lives.