If I didn’t vividly remember giving birth to these kids, I would think they came from someone else. Maybe when Sydney (age 8) tells me she is really an alien that was put in my tummy to grow up around humans I should listen…
In case you’re in need of a laugh this Monday, here are some more kid quotes we’ve collected over the years.
When moms get no respect
While listening in on the girls playing today, I heard Polly Pocket hire a dinosaur to kill her mother because she’s grumpy….not sure if this is a result of overactive imaginations or too little sleep and coffee for me this morning.
Me: Here you go, I made you some pancakes.
Layla: At advanced places, like IHOP, they put whipped cream on them.
Me: Did you say advanced places?
Layla: Yeah. You know, they have more experience…they don’t burn them…
Layla: Mom, you have gray hairs!
Me: Yep. So?
Layla: You need to get that fixed. You’re too young to be a grandma.
Me: Strangely, I feel both flattered and insulted at the same time.
When you ruin a teaching moment by laughing
Me: Who made this mess?
Sydney: It was Kaylan.
Layla: You can’t blame everything on Kaylan.
Sydney: I don’t. Sometimes I blame it on Gwendolyn.
Layla: Mom, Sydney pinched me!…Mom, Sydney bit me!…Mom, Sydney stole my blanket!
Me: Sydney, no pinching, biting, messing with, or stealing from your sister!
Sydney: Can I hit?
Sydney-isms (because this deserves its own category)
Sydney: When you send an email, how does it get to the other person? Does it go through a tube in the sky or something?
Sydney: What’s that wonderful smell?
Layla: Someone made toast.
Sydney: What? I can’t hear you, the smell is too loud.
Sydney: If you take an eye booger and plant it in the dirt, and take lots of good care of it, will it turn into an eye?
Me: Syd, your turn to say the prayer before dinner.
Sydney: God is great, God is good, let us thank Him, for our family. And please don’t let them die in a hurricane. And just, like, send a rainbow. Amen.
Me: …and that’s how a level works.
Sydney: We should put it on the floor. I’ve always felt like the world was just a little bit crooked.
Me: Huh. Me too, kid.
When you realize you actually are the most boring member of the family
Sydney: Dad is awesome!! Mom is, no offense, a little boring.
Me: Aaron, stop laughing.
Layla: On a scale of one to ten, how much do I love reading?
Aaron: One million.
Gwendolyn: Five eighty thirteen.
Me: What do you want?
Layla: Two regular tacos.
Sydney: I want a regular taco, too. But WITHOUT lettuce.
Me: Ok. Gwendolyn, do you want a taco?
Gwendolyn: Yes, but, can you make mine sparkly?
When Daddy gets to tell the five year old about body parts
While changing Calvin’s diaper…
Gwendolyn: What is that?
Aaron: That’s where his pee comes out.
Gwendolyn: Why does it look like that?
Aaron: That’s what boys look like.
Gwendolyn: Do you look like that?
Gwendolyn: Does Mommy know?