Kids Humor,  Parenting Humor

You Did NOT Just Say That

If I didn’t vividly remember giving birth to these kids, I would think they came from someone else. Maybe when Sydney (age 8) tells me she is really an alien that was put in my tummy to grow up around humans I should listen…

In case you’re in need of a laugh this Monday, here are some more kid quotes we’ve collected over the years.

When moms get no respect

While listening in on the girls playing today, I heard Polly Pocket hire a dinosaur to kill her mother because she’s grumpy….not sure if this is a result of overactive imaginations or too little sleep and coffee for me this morning.

Me: Here you go, I made you some pancakes.

Layla: At advanced places, like IHOP, they put whipped cream on them.

Me: Did you say advanced places?

Layla: Yeah. You know, they have more experience…they don’t burn them…

Layla: Mom, you have gray hairs!

Me: Yep. So?

Layla: You need to get that fixed. You’re too young to be a grandma.

Me: Strangely, I feel both flattered and insulted at the same time.

When you ruin a teaching moment by laughing

Me: Who made this mess?

Sydney: It was Kaylan.

Layla: You can’t blame everything on Kaylan.

Sydney: I don’t. Sometimes I blame it on Gwendolyn.

Layla: Mom, Sydney pinched me!…Mom, Sydney bit me!…Mom, Sydney stole my blanket!

Me: Sydney, no pinching, biting, messing with, or stealing from your sister!

Sydney: Can I hit?

Sydney-isms (because this deserves its own category)

Sydney: When you send an email, how does it get to the other person? Does it go through a tube in the sky or something?

Sydney: What’s that wonderful smell?

Layla: Someone made toast.

Sydney: What? I can’t hear you, the smell is too loud.

Sydney: If you take an eye booger and plant it in the dirt, and take lots of good care of it, will it turn into an eye?

Me: Syd, your turn to say the prayer before dinner.

Sydney: God is great, God is good, let us thank Him, for our family. And please don’t let them die in a hurricane. And just, like, send a rainbow. Amen.

Me: …and that’s how a level works.

Sydney: We should put it on the floor. I’ve always felt like the world was just a little bit crooked.

Me: Huh. Me too, kid.

When you realize you actually are the most boring member of the family

Sydney: Dad is awesome!! Mom is, no offense, a little boring.

Me: Aaron, stop laughing.

Layla: On a scale of one to ten, how much do I love reading?

Me: Ten.

Aaron: One million.

Gwendolyn: Five eighty thirteen.

Sydney: Purple!

Ordering lunch…

Me: What do you want?

Layla: Two regular tacos.

Sydney: I want a regular taco, too. But WITHOUT lettuce.

Me: Ok. Gwendolyn, do you want a taco?

Gwendolyn: Yes, but, can you make mine sparkly?

When Daddy gets to tell the five year old about body parts

While changing Calvin’s diaper…
Gwendolyn: What is that?

Aaron: That’s where his pee comes out.

Gwendolyn: Why does it look like that?

Aaron: That’s what boys look like.

Gwendolyn: Do you look like that?


Gwendolyn: Does Mommy know?


Sandra Samoska is a writer with a love for Jesus and a love for family. When she's not chasing around her four kids and doing all the things, you can find her writing about the ways God shows up in our every day lives.


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