You Did NOT Just Say That

If I didn’t vividly remember giving birth to these kids, I would think they came from someone else. Maybe when Sydney (age 8) tells me she is really an alien that was put in my tummy to grow up around humans I should listen…

In case you’re in need of a laugh this Monday, here are some more kid quotes we’ve collected over the years.

When moms get no respect

While listening in on the girls playing today, I heard Polly Pocket hire a dinosaur to kill her mother because she’s grumpy….not sure if this is a result of overactive imaginations or too little sleep and coffee for me this morning.

—

Me: Here you go, I made you some pancakes.

Layla: At advanced places, like IHOP, they put whipped cream on them.

Me: Did you say advanced places?

Layla: Yeah. You know, they have more experience…they don’t burn them…

—

Layla: Mom, you have gray hairs!

Me: Yep. So?

Layla: You need to get that fixed. You’re too young to be a grandma.

Me: Strangely, I feel both flattered and insulted at the same time.

—

When you ruin a teaching moment by laughing

Me: Who made this mess?

Sydney: It was Kaylan.

Layla: You can’t blame everything on Kaylan.

Sydney: I don’t. Sometimes I blame it on Gwendolyn.

—

Layla: Mom, Sydney pinched me!…Mom, Sydney bit me!…Mom, Sydney stole my blanket!

Me: Sydney, no pinching, biting, messing with, or stealing from your sister!

Sydney: Can I hit?

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Sydney-isms (because this deserves its own category)

Sydney: When you send an email, how does it get to the other person? Does it go through a tube in the sky or something?

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Sydney: What’s that wonderful smell?

Layla: Someone made toast.

Sydney: What? I can’t hear you, the smell is too loud.

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Sydney: If you take an eye booger and plant it in the dirt, and take lots of good care of it, will it turn into an eye?

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Me: Syd, your turn to say the prayer before dinner.

Sydney: God is great, God is good, let us thank Him, for our family. And please don’t let them die in a hurricane. And just, like, send a rainbow. Amen.

—

Me: …and that’s how a level works.

Sydney: We should put it on the floor. I’ve always felt like the world was just a little bit crooked.

Me: Huh. Me too, kid.

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When you realize you actually are the most boring member of the family

Sydney: Dad is awesome!! Mom is, no offense, a little boring.

Me: Aaron, stop laughing.

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Layla: On a scale of one to ten, how much do I love reading?

Me: Ten.

Aaron: One million.

Gwendolyn: Five eighty thirteen.

Sydney: Purple!

—

Ordering lunch…

Me: What do you want?

Layla: Two regular tacos.

Sydney: I want a regular taco, too. But WITHOUT lettuce.

Me: Ok. Gwendolyn, do you want a taco?

Gwendolyn: Yes, but, can you make mine sparkly?

—

When Daddy gets to tell the five year old about body parts

While changing Calvin’s diaper…
Gwendolyn: What is that?

Aaron: That’s where his pee comes out.

Gwendolyn: Why does it look like that?

Aaron: That’s what boys look like.

Gwendolyn: Do you look like that?

Aaron:…Um…yes.

Gwendolyn: Does Mommy know?