8 kids for 5 days a dad's perspective
Parenting Humor

8 Kids for 6 Days: A Dad’s Perspective (Day 2)

a dad's perspective on having 8 kids for 5 days

Captain’s log, Day 2, February 1st, year of our Lord 2018

My morning coffee and prayer time in the dark living quarters was shattered by an unholy light from the upstairs gaming facility.  X and Curly have decided to play a nice game of Twister before the 6am wakeup call.  This move was not appreciated by the rest of the household.  LG’s sleeping quarters are in close proximity, and she was less than pleased.  All eight crew members were awake before Queen Matron had her first cup of coffee.  This has been a less than auspicious start to the day.

At the scheduled departure time it was discovered that X had not gotten himself completely ready for the day.  Socks, footwear, and brushing of teeth had not been taken care of yet.  Queen Matron and I did not have to scold him, though.  Red was very vocal in her displeasure.

There is a train blocking the road to the crew member’s academy.  It doesn’t look like Red is going to get to do much choir today.  She doesn’t seem to be blaming me, though.  For that I am grateful.

The drop off was successful.  We were tardy, but they were dropped off.  The crew tell me we were in the correct spot.

I spoke with Queen Matron while away at my duties.  She said there has been many unscheduled trips to the galley for additional sustenance.  We may need to restock the commissary.

Sometime during the day there was a misunderstanding between Spunky and Spiff.  After calmly deliberating amongst themselves, an agreeable compromise could not be reached.  Unfortunately, it did escalate to fisticuffs.  Blows were landed and teeth were used.  There should be no lasting damage, but age appropriate punishment was administered.

I am being told that Spunky and Spiff are friends again.

While speaking with Queen Matron several hours later, we were interrupted by a cacophony of shrieks.  There was another slight misunderstanding between Spunky and Spiff.  Punches were thrown.

I am being told that Spunky and Spiff are friends again.

Disaster.  Both Spunky and Spiff have had continence issues.  Spunky, who was previously potty trained, has decided to poop into her underwear.  During the cleanup process, Spiff took advantage of the distraction to poop into his diaper and then take it off.  Having done this before, he knew that he was going to need to be cleaned up, so he sat down on the stairs to await the process.

The stairs were cleaned.

A dog threw up in the kitchen.

The tile floor was cleaned.

On the way to pick up Red and X from their academy I reflect on the idyllic splendor that is my office and that I do not have to clean up poop.  There is pity for Queen Matron.

We arrived at the main living quarters and there was a great deal of noise.  Again.  The children had all been bathed.  Queen Matron is a miracle worker.

There was an exceedingly bad odor in the kitchen.  Amidst the excitement of the previous events, the poop from earlier in the day was in the trash can, albeit bagged up.  I have taken the trash out earlier than normal.

Thursday night is bible study night.  We decided to convene even though we had the four new crew members.  Multiple new crew members did not eat their dinner.  I’m starting to be concerned about their resiliency.  Perhaps we should limit the amount of unscheduled trips to the galley during the day.

Queen Matron puts the crew members to bed while I lead the bible study.  The Kyd has decided that she does NOT want to sleep with Blondie.  Words were exchanged and it almost came to blows.  There were tears.  Blondie offered to sleep with Spunky.  Queen Matron decreed that there was a better chance of having a leprechaun having cheese and crackers with a unicorn, so Blondie has to sleep on the floor.  Otherwise, bed time was astonishingly easy.

Curly is a surprisingly light sleeper.  All of my vast amounts of ninja ability needed to be used just to make it through the gaming facility sleeping quarters without awaking him.  I shall require better cleanliness and a toy free crawling lane in the future.

Tomorrow is another day.

If you missed Day 1, read it here.

Sandra Samoska is a writer with a love for Jesus and a love for family. When she's not chasing around her four kids and doing all the things, you can find her writing about the ways God shows up in our every day lives.


  • Charles Harrell

    LOL, Captain, your daily reports are intriguing. Maybe even hilarious. Are you sure the Queen Matron isn’t assisting with the narrative construction? Maybe you should inquire to your superiors at InterGalactic HQ in regards to some chemical assistance with crew member relations. Maybe some single-malt, heh!

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