8 kids 5 days a dad's perspective
Parenting Humor

8 Kids for 6 Days: A Dad’s Perspective (Day 4)

8 kids 5 days a dad's perspective

Captain’s log, Day 4, February 3rd, year of our Lord 2018

Queen Matron arose early today for a meeting.  I remained in my cot hoping for a few more blissful minutes of slumber.

A bright light seared through my eye lids.  It seems that X and Curly do not recognize Saturday mornings as a sacred day of extra sleep.

They came marching down our stairs.  One of them was waving a sword.  He threatened to remain downstairs unless the upstairs video machine was turned on.  This was quickly rectified.

I am realizing that with Queen Matron gone I am alone with the young crew.  This is unsettling.  I am adrift in a sea of uncertain anxiety.  Against my better judgement I have poured myself a third cup of coffee.

My eye is twitching.

Spunky and Blondie are now awake and co-mingling with X and Curly.  The amount of noise from the gaming facility has quadrupled.

The frozen waffle supply has not been replenished.  I briefly consider making waffles myself in the galley then dismiss this idea as the brainchild of a delirious man.

Spunky and Spiff have had four bowls of cereal and two granola bars between them.  The commissary is dangerously low.  Curly has asked for another bowl as well.  I despair.

We are now out of Rice Crispies and granola bars.  The crew is famished.  LG and Red haven’t even come out of their sleeping quarters yet.  They consume the most rations!  I fear the crew will rebel against me soon, then turn on each other.  If Queen Matron doesn’t arrive with reinforcements soon all will surely be lost.

Blessed relief! Queen Matron made a supply run.  We are now sufficiently supplied with breakfast rations.

Curly and Blondie had an altercation.  Time in the separate penalty boxes was enforced.

Lunch was served.  I was not aware of the mess that Cheez-its make.  Rookie mistake.  I vow to not let it happen again.

There have been many unscheduled trips to the galley.  Have I taken on a crew of mutants?  We may run out of rations again.

As Queen Matron was leaving for a skate party with LG, Red, the Kyd, and Blondie she mentioned that the disastrous state of the upstairs living quarters were causing her heart to flutter and her brow to sweat.

I have decided to straighten the upstairs living quarters somewhat whilst Queen Matron is away.

Spunky and Spiff have both successfully gone down for a nap.  If I do naught else the rest of my waking hours, this day has been VICTORIOUS!

Queen Matron and the group have returned from the skate party.  There were no injuries to report.

Queen Matron takes a nap.  It was a much needed rest, and unbroken.

We must leave for the Valentine’s ball in one hour.  I have commenced readying myself so as to appear handsome and dashing.

We must leave for the Valentine’s ball in 30 minutes.  Queen Matron looks beautiful.  I am still in my sweat pants.  There remains much to do.  Crewmembers constantly visit the changing quarters.

We must leave for the Valentine’s ball in five minutes.  I appear most handsome and dashing.  Despite my assurances to her beauty, Queen Matron has changed clothes three times.  I know not what to say when she asks my opinion.  Every avenue I see is fraught with peril.  I have decided to spend more time making sure the children are ready to leave at the appointed time.

We should have left for the Valentine’s ball four minutes ago.  Spiff, Spunky, Curly, and X do not have shoes and socks.  What have I been doing the last nine minutes that everyone is not ready?  There is no one to blame but myself for the delay.

We are on the move.  We drop the crewmembers at the Watcher’s and continue on to the ball.  We are but 10 minutes late.

What sort of wizardry is this? We saw a man pull money out of a lemon and make liquid disappear.  I MUST find out the secret.

The crew was exceedingly tired when we returned.  However, the trip home was not quiet.  Curly relayed to me the movie they watched with agonizingly huge amounts of detail.  I will try to teach him brevity in the future.

When we return to the Main living quarters, there was little room for multiple crew members at the washbasin.  Tears rained down.  Blows were thrown.  We will write these unfortunate circumstances off to tiredness.

It is quiet.  I have missed quiet.

Tomorrow is another day.

Here are Days 1, 2 and 3 in case you missed them.

Sandra Samoska is a writer with a love for Jesus and a love for family. When she's not chasing around her four kids and doing all the things, you can find her writing about the ways God shows up in our every day lives.


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