If I Could Keep You Small…

Sometimes I wish I could keep you small forever.

We’d play dress up, and you would clip-clop around in my heels, or swagger across the room wearing your daddy’s tie.

We’d read books together, cuddled under a blanket on the couch, learning about letters and seasons.

You’d dance on my feet while I twirled and spun, only a little breathless from your added weight.

I’d push you on the swing set, tie your shoes and put bubbles in your bath.

You’d give me whole body hugs and slobbery kisses while you grab my face with your little kid hands.

I’d rock you every night, singing your favorite lullabies and guiding you in your nighttime prayers.

I’d show you butterflies in the flower bushes and earthworms in the garden.

Your tears would always be soothed by my hugs, and boo-boos would always feel better with my kisses.

Sometimes I wish I could keep you small forever.

But I know that if I could, there’s so much I would miss.

I’d miss watching you get all dressed up for your first date, a bundle of nerves and excitement for this new adventure.

I’d miss hearing you tell me all about the new ideas you’d discovered in your own books.

I’d miss watching you twirl in your tutu, watching the instructor and beaming with pride when you completed the spin for the very first time.

I wouldn’t hear you laugh at private jokes with your friends, or hear you sing off key in the shower.

I’d miss those special hugs, those grown child hugs, the ones that come for no reason other than you’re glad I’m here.

I wouldn’t get to listen to you work through the trials of your day, calling out to God with a faith that is owned, claimed, and no longer borrowed from your parents.

I’d miss seeing you discover the world, making decisions for yourself and taking those steady steps into adulthood.

I wouldn’t have the heart-aching joy of seeing my baby someday hold her own baby.

Yes, sometimes I wish I could keep you small forever. But other times I know – I wouldn’t change a thing.